My-Blog Site *bipolar & alcoholism*

I had a new experience a few days ago. Nov 17, 2011, to be exact. On that day 67 years ago I entered this world, bawl’n, sqawl’n and give’n it hell. On Sept 9, 2011 I posted a story about some of my life with my children’s mother (From the frying pan into the fire).

On this day Nov 17, 2011 I was sitting here at my computer putzing around doing something, there was a knock on the door and there stood my son. I had not heard from him in quite some time and when I saw him with tears in his eyes, I thought he was going to tell me that his mothers dad (his Grandad) had passed away. He was the man that raised him and they were very, very close. But instead he said Mom passed away about 3:00 pm. He started to cry which does not happen in his world, not in public anyway! I put my arms around him and told him I was sorry for the loss of his mother. Today that was for real because of God Alcoholics Anonymous and a lot of friends. We visited for quite some time and when he left he was not quite so rattled.

Right after he left I began to feel something very odd going on inside me. I was feeling for my son and daughter’s loss, but then realized I was feeling a loss for myself as well. Even though we had been divorced for 40 plus years and I had no feelings of love for her, I was still feeling a loss. It scared the Hell right out of me, and I wanted to revert to my old ways of shoving it down inside me where nobody would know about it. Doing that would have created a secret that could have caused me to become very sick inside.

The way to keep this from happening was to talk to God and to another human being. Once shared it no longer has power over me. This would not have been possible without treatment, counseling and going to as many AA meetings as I go to. By doing the things that were just mentioned, I found out that this was quite common and I was just going through a process.

Thank God and my friends for being there as I went through my new experience.

It’s about time huh?

On October 9 I announced that a forum would be introduced soon. Well I guess this is as soon as I could get it done. I am really excited about this forum, because, it will give you people a chance to tell some of what digs at your insides if you want. The forum is set for people who suffer from one or more of the many issues that create havoc in your lives.

Without further ado, check this out. http://forums.alcohol-drugs-otherissues.info/ I do hope you get something from it. I apologize for not being able to provide this for free, but costs have started to get to be too much.

I’m a little bit embarrassed for not keeping up on my posting. I was just reading comments about the site from you nice people and am embarrassed for not posting more often.

I’m going to share a couple of comments here that have really humbled me because I have never thought I had that much to give. Here goes with some of the comments.

11/19/11 comment.  What i don’t realize is in reality how you’re not really a lot more well-favored than you may be now. You’re very intelligent. You already know thus considerably in terms of this topic, made me in my opinion believe it from a lot of various angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be fascinated except it’s one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!

11/18/11 comment.   Thanks for sharing excellent informations. Your website is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this website. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found simply the info I already searched all over the place and just couldn’t come across. What a perfect website.

9/25/11 comment.  You can definitely see your expertise in the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.

I was posting as much for me as anything and had no idea of how it would be received. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comments. I will continue to post as ideas come to mind. I can’t seem to just sit down and write, I just have to let it come when it’s ready.

If no one has told you they love you today, I do.

Jim

Keep watch here for the release of our new forum site. It will be coming in the very near future. The forum is for people that have several differant types of addictions and other issues.

Keep watch and join us as soon as possible after we kick it off. It will be really nice to see how some of you have worked with this.

Let’s get back to my stories about how I was back when.

From the frying pan into the fire!
I met this girl in high school and I fell in love, or maybe it was lust, I don’t know. By the time I was a junior and with all the crap going on at home, she was the only thing I could think about. She was nice to me and made me feel good and important. I was sick of high school and life at home, so I ask her to marry me. (We were both seventeen you know, juniors in high school, really ready for this.) I thought that I loved her and she thought that she loved me. I really think we did the best we knew how. So we quite school, got married and lived happily ever after or at least for a year or so. What’s wrong with picture? Sounded like a good idea at the time.

We were married for almost seven years and had two children. In that seven years I told her absolutely everything that was wrong with her. She was too fat, too lazy, wouldn’t clean the house, didn’t take care of the kids, set around and read books all the time, never washed dishes. You get the idea. Some of these things were probably some what true, but remember what I said about finding what the booze did for me. Well of course it made me perfect, I made no mistakes, everything I did was OK. Now, I didn’t mention the fact that I was drinking most every night, that I was seldom home to help take care of the kids, and that I was looking for that perfect woman that would understand me and stay slim and trim, clean the house, take care of the kids – follow me? Do you suppose I had anything to do with the way she acted? PROBABLY!

Between the booze and something else going on in me (years later I found out that was the begining of bipolar disorder) I became a very crazy person to say the least.

We’ll get into this a bit futher in the next post. I look forward to sharing more then.

See how soon tomarrow came.

 Some Things Never Change!

 Before I got sober I would start things, and then something else would get my attention, and I wouldn’t finish what I had started or wouldn’t keep it current. THAT my friends hasn’t changed completely yet. BUT, I’m trying to do better. I suppose I could blame that on the Bi-Polar. What ya think, huh? Surely has something to do with it!

My point here is that I still get distracted and don’t always follow up on things like I should. That being said, I have been having a lot of trouble this summer with another one of my problems. I have had a tremendous amount of pain that moves around my body like it owns it. After many doctors and costly tests over the last 10 to 15 years, they have finally diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and a fairly severe case of spinal stenosis.

See how easy it is to blame something else for not taking care of business. Thats kind of what I’m doing here I guess. All I can say is I will try to do better and write more often.

So as for my title,  Some Things Never Change! The only way that this will change, is if I change and do better. “ONE DAY AT A TIME!”

I’ve been out of the loup for a long while. More stuff going on and will try to bring you up to dated as we go along. First I would like to thank you people for the nice comments about my blog and appologize for being away so long. I’m going to try to be more consistant with my posts.

I’ve had a lot of STUFF going on in the last few months and have not kept up with this blog as you have probably noticed. Will try to do better and let you know more about me.

Have to go now but will return tomarrow.

This is a topic I didn’t want to deal with when I first came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I really thought in my own mind that everything that was happening was someone elses fault. I wish I could have seen this article at that time, maybe it would have helped make it easier to accept what I was facing. This is something that we face so often in our lives, when we have a medical problem, are facing a divorce, a friend or family member dies, or trying to face an alcohol or mental problem. Denial is just part of life, and sometimes it’s a bitch to deal with.

Learning to accept what is right in front of us, can often be a really tough task. Sometimes we need professional help, I did anyway, and it was hard to accept that fact. You have to know that I’m the smartest SOB in the world, and if you all would just pay attention, I’d show you how to straighten up your lives. Right?

More later.

Jim

Thank all of you for your nice comments about both the website and the blog. I’m having fun and frustration at the same time. But it’s great!

This is the first blogging I’ve done, so I’m a little slow and inexperienced. I’m missing some of your comments and what have you when they first come in, but will try to answer all as quickly as possible.

For those of you who have asked, my website (www.my-bipolar.info) is my own design and build. The blog is from WordPress. It’s been really quite easy to learn, I’m just slow at times.

Jim

This is a picture of me in my bibbies not too long ago. As you can see, I’m for real, and there is a lot of me.

Let me talk a little about recovery today. This is where we all want to go, feeling better and living life on life’s terms. This can happen, I’m living proof of that. It takes time and it takes participating in our own recovery, but it can happen. If you have some stories of the highs or lows you’ve been through send them to me and I will share them with others if you want. But we don’t have to live in those crazy times anymore if we don’t to.

If no body has told you they love you today,

God does and so do I.

Jim